2 posts tagged “toronto”

I don't know what the temperature is today.  I don't care.  In Toronto it is damn cold.  How cold?

• Too cold for politeness.
• Cold enough that you just run into the street, not waiting for the lights.
• I almost got hit by a car, which would have been a tragedy because i probably would not have died instantly.  I would have lingered in the foul cold air... My God, what if i could not shriek my last words: "FINISH ME OFF! FINISH THE JOB!", like the wife of a fireman would if said fireman needed to jump up and out of bed and put out a fire on their honeymoon.  I would have been the one to make that call, because it's so cold that I can't make sense, how about that!

I've made a decision.  It's a grim one. You'll hate me for it. but that's ok, because I hate you for trying to stop me:

Bring on the global warming.

I pledge to look my children in the eye and tell them:

"God Damn you, YES!  I was the one who chose that instead of you asking me 'Daddy what are cockroaches'  you instead ask me 'Daddy what are Polar Bears'!  I did it, because I was cold one day!  The next day i burned huge bags of plastic bags!  I punched holes in mufflers!  I peed on dogs! I lit my poo after dousing it in gas, and then sprayed AXE and Right Guard into the air! Wheeeeelah!"

I realized some very important things about myself in the crucible of the 17.5+ hour flight back to grey Toronto Town.

It seems that I have passed a critical phase in life:  I was next to a screaming toddler and a howling baby for the trip.  Meant nothing to me.  I slept easily, deeply, in fact.  Sometimes I would laugh and think

"You filthy howlers, indeed i celebrate internally whatever pain you are feeling..."

Other times i would think:

"Poor  shriekers... ah well we all did this once.  No living human can maintain the moral high ground over babyhowls..."

This is a crucial step to take .. since in the past crying babies used to make me cringe, like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Also... damn it, the flight did not seem all that long to me!  17.5 h!  Not so bad! 

Truly, time does move faster when you age. No question about it.  I completely feel it now, and see it.  Ouch.  This means that the second half of your life will whiz by faster than the first half.  Great ;)